What I did that night was not what people expect.
I did not go downstairs at one in the morning and play that recording to a function room.
I did not throw anything, and I did not wake anybody, and I did not post a single word.
I slept in that room. Next to him.
That is the detail that people find the most difficult and it is the one I am least sorry about.
Eleven days I said nothing, while solicitors did what solicitors do and while a woman in Leeds went through nine years of estate accounts.
I smiled at his mother twice in that time. I let her adjust my collar at a lunch.
And after my father, the first person I rang was his sister.
She let it go to voicemail. She rang back forty minutes later and did not say hello.
She said: you told him, didn’t you. In March.
And I said: yes.
And she said: okay. And then she cried, and then she said: right, what have you got.
It has been fourteen months.
