I saw her for only a moment before the nurses took her to intensive care.
I remember a tiny hand moving beside her face.
I saw her for only a moment.
I remember asking whether I could hold her.
They told me they needed to stabilize her first.
The following morning, a doctor came into my room.
He said my baby hadn’t survived.
Her name was Lucy.
He said my baby hadn’t survived.
I’d chosen it months before she was born.
I went home without her.
For years afterward, I kept her hospital bracelet in a small box beside my bed.
I never found the courage to try for another child.
I went home without her.
So when Nora first brought Ellie to meet me, I wasn’t prepared for how much it would hurt.
***
Ellie had dark curls, enormous brown eyes, and a tiny dimple in her left cheek.